Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
