I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
