I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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