I looked at my own cervix.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
