I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
