i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
