I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
