Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We are two peas in an std pod
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
