You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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