If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
