on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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