my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
