I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize