when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
