Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
