If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
