yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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