then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
