In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
