My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
