we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
