she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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