Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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