well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
