in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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