He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
