She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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