Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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