I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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