but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
