Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
