He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
