Hey man sorry I got all grabby
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
