its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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