I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I have grass duct taped all over my body
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
