i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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