I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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