Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
