I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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