you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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