my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
