I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
