I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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