But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
