You work out of a Hotel?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
