I hate all girls vehemently.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
