You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
