apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
