Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
