I heard we made out
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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