Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
