come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
