I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
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Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
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Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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