Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
