Pregnant stripper...not hot.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
