Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
