My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
