I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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