do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
