Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
