What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize
