Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
