I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
