that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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