scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Everyone says I win the strip club
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
