So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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