my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
