so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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