worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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