You can't special order awesome
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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