I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
