i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
