i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
