Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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